Wed 25 Jul 2007
It was the summer of ‘69…
Comments: 0 - Date: March 5th, 2007 - Categories: Uncategorized
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So, I saw Zodiac this weekend, and of course, it is already the Greatest Zodiac Movie of All Time. But then I remembered that Dirty Harry is also the Greatest Zodiac Movie of All Time, so you know what that means:
TEN POINT SUDDEN DEATH ZODIAC MOVIE BATTLE ROYAL!
| Dirty Harry | Zodiac |
| Lead Actor | |
| Clint Motherfuckin’ Eastwood | Jake Simulated Cowboyfuckin’ Gyllenhaal |
| Winner: Dirty Harry | |
| Music | |
| That bullshit 70’s white funk crap…You know, the song with all that, “AAA HHHaaaa WWWaaHHH.” | Hurdy Gurdy Man |
| Winner: Zodiac | |
| Sideburns | |
| 100% Authentic 1970’s | 2007 issue replicas |
| Winner: Dirty Harry | |
| Accurate Depictions of Due Process | |
| 0 | Far to many, and that’s exactly why Zodiac got away with that BS. |
| Winner: Dirty Harry | |
| Choice Quotes | |
| “I know what you’re thinking. ‘Did he fire six shots or only five?’ Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement I kind of lost track myself. But being as this is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world, and would blow your head clean off, you’ve got to ask yourself a question: Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya, punk?” | “This is the Zodiac speaking.” |
| Winner: Zodiac | |
| Number of cartoonist characters played by hot dudes, thus making people think that cartoonists are in fact hot. | |
| 0 | 1 |
| Winner: Zodiac | |
| Number of roles played by Chloë Sevigny. | |
| 0 | 1 |
| Winner: Dirty Harry | |
| School Bus Scene | |
| Dirty Harry disobeying orders, following Scorpio, jumping off an overpass onto the top of a moving vehicle, dodging bullets being shot through the roof, crawling aross said roof to aim his .44 Magnum through the windsheild, all the while wearing a full three piece suit! | Robert Greysmith acting like a wuss dad. |
| Winner: Dirty Harry | |
| Resident Hot Chick | |
| Hot Mary | Darlene Elizabeth Ferrin |
| Winner: Zodiac | |
| Number of direct homage style references to the film Dirty Harry | |
| 0 | 1 |
| Winner: Zodiac | |
And the champion is…Oh, wait….it’s a tie. 5 to 5. Well, you know what that means:
TEN POINT SUDDEN DEATH ZODIAC MOVIE BATTLE ROYAL ONE POINT SUDDEN DEATH GOOGLE FIGHT ROUND!
| Dirty Harry | Zodiac |
| Google Fight | |
| 228,000 | 44,700,000 |
Holy turdballs! Zodiac is the champion! This is the most shocking upset since the British Navy beat the Spanish Armada! Wow.
But don’t think that this means Dirty Harry won’t stare you to death before he shoots right in the shin, then walk like 50 yards just to step in your wound.
BLAR!
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