MiniSky: Thoughts About Everything

The hunt continues for the jape-ster who slipped Nick the Gnome’s name onto the list of Clearstream accounts among dodgy arms dealers and former politicians. At TF1 opinion was divided. One said: “It must have been that Dechavanne; he’s so funny. Sometimes he pinches my bum and says “Get that dog out of here.” Hilarious.” “Rubbish,” reposted another, “it’s got to be Jean-Pierre Pernod. All those cheese fairs get him down. He was looking for some hard news.” Meanwhile, yesterday the investigating judge pointed the finger squarely at Prime Minister De Villepin as the man who gave the order to rifle through Mr Sarkozy’s drawers and put chilli in his underwear. “He’s a real wag. I mean look at that CPE malarkey. Had to be a hoax. A guy like that! Politician? You’re pulling my leg! He’s not even elected.” The Prime Minister still vigorously denied the accusation. “I don’t know any jokes,” he said as pressmen writhed about in stitches clutching their sides. Either way his Gnome-ness was not amused. “Not even mumsy can read my diary; it’s locked up and protected by a booby trap, wolf snare, four Doberman Pinchers and a duck that says “Boo”.” The all-kicking-all-biting Dwarf was in no doubt where the blame lies: “That posh boy did it. To make me look small.”

Whatever the outcome the ruling elite of France currently looks like a team of youth trainee insurance brokers running around naked and painted blue with their knickers on their heads, flapping at each others’ bottoms with large rainbow trout singing the “Teddy Bear’s picnic” to music from a shaved donkey on rollerblades playing the kazoo. Some believe the President would be rash to let a man of De Villepin’s hilarity continue in a time of crisis; other’s believe this is just what France needs, a good laugh. Betting started yesterday on a man to replace De Villepin as the President’s next whipping boy. Bookies believe France will look abroad as the essential problem with French Prime Ministers is that they are considered too French. Andy Pandy (25-1), Muffin the Mule (10-1), Rhubarb and Custard (5-1), Jacques Chirac (don’t make me laugh).